Here's what I came across few sites that I believe, will be food for thought, for you as well. I know you guys are chuckling (one can easily find over the Net!). But isn't it an etymologist's delight? You can add your version of refinitions to the list:
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power...
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic: books which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father: A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after?
30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with
one's own opinion.
32. Acquiantance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
33. Adamant: A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in
solicitate of gold.
34. Beauty: The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
35. Cat:A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be
kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
36. Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
37. Grave: A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of
the medical student.
38. Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the
misery of another.
39. Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of
the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
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